Salutations! If you’re reading this, you somehow made the conscious choice to follow me a long time ago. Well, you’ve probably forgotten all about me. After all, it’s been years since I’ve used tumblr. I just wanted to say hi again. And if you remember me any least bit and care to hear how I’m doing, I wanted to let you know that I’m doing well. Here’s an update on my life for you (but mostly for my future self):

I’ve started college! I never saw myself making it this far into life, yet here I am. I’m attending community college in order to save money; I’ll be transferring to a 4-year institution after 2 years. This decision was a tough one, but it has proved to be life-changing (for the better). I’ve disconnected myself from any and all drama, something I desperately needed a break from. The last four years have been filled with unneccessary drama, unhappiness, bad decisions, and overall many attempts to hide my true identity. I changed myself in high school because I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be cool. I wanted to be everything that I thought I wasn’t…. come to find out that the real me was way cooler than whoever I was pretending to be. I’m on the path towards finding who I really am, and nothing has ever felt so right.

In community college, people tend to ditch the social hierachy seen in high school. They focus on and keep to themselves, for the most part. I’ve been liking this atmosphere. Sometimes I miss having friends. Actually, the friends I miss the most were the ones from middle school. My real friends. The people I actually connected with. I miss them with all of my heart and regret whatever I did to destroy those bonds… I miss Tess; I miss Grace; I miss Zoe; I miss Cat; I miss Christine; I miss Lang; I miss Mehar; I miss Sierra; I miss Vi… I miss them all so fucking much. I think about them all the time, and it hurts to know that I’m probably just another forgotten memory. I wish they knew how badly my heart aches for friends like them. I’m literally crying as I write this part lol. Why the fuck did I decide that I wanted to be someone else? Why did I reject my intellect? Why did I water myself down for dumb boys who can’t even begin to comprehend the things I can? All I can really say is FUCK. I fucking miss my old friends. My biggest wish is to go back in time. I just want to hear everyone’s voices again. One more time. One more time I want to be cracking jokes in the girl’s lockerroom. One more time I want to be riding “butt scooters” and makings a rollercoaster with our interlocked arms. One more time I want to share funny memes on Facebook. One more time I want to talk to someone about ANYTHING other than STUPID, MENIAL BULLSHIT like gossip, celebrities, and more gossip. One more time I want to laugh at our inside jokes about Mr. Drayton (was that his name?). ONE MORE FUCKING TIME. But it’s too late. And now this post has transformed into one long rant about missing my friends. But aside from that pestering sadness, I’m doing well.

I’m starting to work out and eat right again. I want to love my body for once. I want to look in the mirror and not feel like throwing up everyhing I ate. I’m slowly getting there, and it feels great. 

Overall, I just wanted to let you know that I’m back on track now. And I won’t stray away so easily. If you made it this far, WOW, thanks for actually caring about the words I’m typing I guess? I hope you’re doing great, too. :-)